


Reflections

by leslieknopedanascully



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:16:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4422812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leslieknopedanascully/pseuds/leslieknopedanascully
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>April is nervous about becoming a mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

April studied her reflection in the closet mirror. She wore only a bra and flannel pajama pants, having wakened only fifteen minutes prior. Strands of long brown hair, which had slipped out of the messy bun that rested at the nape of her neck, framed her face. The smudged lenses of her glasses masked the purple shadows under her eyes.

Strange dreams had ruined her night, interrupting her sleep at hourly intervals. She couldn’t remember the content of the dreams, but she could remember the feelings they left behind. Trembling hands, a tightness in her chest, cool sweat trickling down her spine.

April ran her hands over her growing stomach. Her baby bump had expanded into more than just a bump, and for the next four months it would only grow bigger and bigger until the living creature inside stretched his limbs and made up his mind to enter into the world.

She turned away from the mirror and grabbed the shirt closest to her, a tight-fitting yellow V-neck. Without thinking, she pulled the shirt over her head, and when the thin, stretchy fabric wouldn’t fit over her stomach, April threw the shirt aside. Her knees wobbled. She sat on the floor and curled up in a pile of clothes in the closets corner like a kitten settling in for a nap.

April began to cry.

“Babe? You awake?”

From where she sat, April could see Andy enter the bedroom. She could see the look of confusion on his face when he noticed the empty bed.

“April?” Andy peeked his head into the closet. “You didn’t tell me we were playing hide and seek!”

It wasn’t until Andy sat down on the closet floor next to April that he noticed she was crying.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Andy pulled April into a hug. His hands felt warm and sticky on her bare skin and he smelled like orange juice and syrup.

“I’m fine,” April said, her voice high-pitched as she tried to suppress a sob.

“April.” Andy put his hands on his wife’s shoulder and gently pressed his forehead against hers, forcing her to meet his eyes. “You’re crying.”

“I made myself fake cry because I like the way my mascara looks when it’s smeared across my cheeks.”

But Andy wasn’t fooled. “April. What’s wrong?”

April bit her lip but she couldn’t bite down her sobs. She buried her face in Andy’s chest and let the tears flow freely.

A few moments passed and then Andy said quietly into his wife’s ear, “I’m so sorry, April.”

April pulled out of his embrace. “What for?”

“You’re upset because I forgot to take out the trash again, aren’t you?”

April let out a laugh. “Of course not. Chasing those raccoons out of the garage was the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

April hugged Andy again. For a long moment she didn’t say anything, she simply breathed in Andy’s warm, comforting scent and reveled in his closeness. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft.

“I’m scared, Andy…I’m, I’m afraid of having this baby. It just…it’s starting to feel so real now, you know? My clothes don’t fit anymore and it’s like, it just hit me, there’s something growing inside me. Something _living_ and in five months it’s going to come out of my body and…”

April hugged Andy tighter as her words dissolved into tears. Andy kissed the top of her head.

“Hey, it’s okay that you’re scared,” he said. “I’m scared too.”

“You are?”

“Of course I am.”

“But you’re so good with kids and….and I don’t know how to be a mom.”

“April, that’s crazy. Kids _love_ you. When I watched the triplets the other day, they kept asking when you were coming. Any baby would be lucky to have you for a mom.”

April shook her head. “You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

Andy held April’s face in his hands. “Listen to me. You, April Roberta Ludgate Dwyer, are going to be the best mom in the universe. Okay? And you don’t have to know how to be a mom. You just have to know that’s it’s okay to not know what you’re doing, because sometimes you’re not going to know what to do, and you just have to do your best, you know? The only thing you can know and need to know is that it’s okay not to know anything and...what’s that quote that one dead guy said…” Andy’s voice trailed off for a moment. “Anyway, you’re not going to be not knowing alone. I’ll be there with you the whole time, and even if we don’t know what we’re doing, we’ll at least be not knowing together, which means we’ll be able to figure it all out together. And we _never_ know what we’re doing, but we’ve done pretty well so far, haven’t we?”

April met Andy’s brown eyes, which were as warm and golden as the syrup residue on his soft hands. She still felt nervous and a little sick to her stomach, as if she had just awakened from one of those forgotten, stressful dreams. But for the first time in several weeks, she could breathe a bit easier.

“I love you,” April said.

Andy kissed her and put his hand on her stomach. “I love you too.”

They stayed there for a moment, on the floor of the closest, holding each other, before Andy broke away and said, “Do you want some pancakes?”

April nodded. “That sounds good.”

Andy started for the kitchen, but when April didn’t move, he looked back at her, his brow knit in worry.

“Go ahead,” April said, “I’ll be there in a minute.”

After Andy left, April leaned back against the closet wall and sighed. She realized she needed to get dressed, and picked up the first t-shirt she saw off the floor. It was Andy’s Mouse Rat shirt, the black and red Mouse Rat emblem faded and dotted with lint, an unidentifiable stain on the chest, holes in the armpit. April pressed the shirt to her face. It smelled like Andy.

April pulled on the shirt. It slipped on easily, the fabric hanging loosely on her body, allowing her stomach a bit of breathing room. April stood up and looked in the mirror. She rested her hand on her protruding stomach and a small smile pulled at her lips.

She wasn’t sure that the nightmares would ever go away, but she knew now that that’s all they were. Nightmares. Fleeting, groundless fears that only existed at night. Fears that held no power over her, for in the morning she knew she’d be greeted with sunlight and pancakes and warm syrupy hugs.

 


End file.
